Happy New Year’s Eve!

As we begin this new journey around the sun we have the opportunity for this to be a marker in our lives, a place for new beginnings.

It got me thinking that we end up in the exact place we are in life based on the decisions we make and therefore I wanted to begin the year with this topic.

Most of us have no idea where our decisions come from.

We think we are assessing data, then making decisions based on that…

But data is infinite – as are perspectives.

So we just do enough assessing and considering of perspectives to feel comfortable.

And then we make a decision.

But once we’ve made it, at some point we’ll most likely doubt it… And we’ll be dissatisfied in some way.

This is how we go through life.

In the last month, three different clients reached out to me about struggling to make decisions.

They all put so much weight on these decisions, when maybe there didn’t need to be much weight at all.

I believe our decisions don’t need to be made in the way we typically make them.

The mind wants to predict the future. But it can’t.

Because the future hasn’t happened yet.

So we take everything we know from the past and try to place it into the future.

And that makes us comfortable with the decisions we make.

Acclaimed author and neuroscientist Dr. Robert Sapolsky proposes in his work that there is no such thing as free will.

This is a concept called determinism.

If I decide I’m going to get up and get a glass of water…

At that moment, I think I’ve made the decision.

But according to determinism, it’s already happened long before that.

Preceding the urge to drink, my brain has calculated thousands of data points including things like air temperature, humidity, sweat expenditure, time since my last drink, and countless other factors.

Based on these inputs and past experiences, it predicts I should be thirsty, the sensation arises and I think ”oh I should get some water”

Most people think they’re making their own decisions.

In Taoism, Buddhism, and similar Eastern schools of thought, they talk about this same concept.

Thoughts come, and we claim them as ours.

But if Sapolsky is right, and determinism is correct, we’re just doing mental gymnastics to make ourselves believe that we are in fact making our own choices and decisions.

There is a peace that can come with the belief that determinism is, in fact, correct.

And there is a kind of freedom in this peace.

If Sapolsky is wrong, it doesn’t really matter.

You still found yourself here right now, reading this, regardless of how you got here.

And of course, you’re wondering, “How do I improve my ability to make decisions?”

It’s a very difficult answer.

The real answer is: don’t base your decisions on anything.

Choose freely.

Based on no past.

But, that’s too scary for people.

So typically I’ll say, let’s go back one step.

Let’s put as little weight on the decision as possible.

You’ll have feelings of doubt.

You might have feelings of disappointment.

You can try to produce an outcome with the decision you make.

But what you should do is…

Try to understand why you’re trying to produce that outcome.

What is driving you?

Is it insecurity? Seeking attention? Power? Pleasure? Fear? Survival?

As my teacher said to me: watch and see how he (my identity) works within me, then you can learn to discern how to make each choice.

Just this mental shift alone can bring some level of comfort.

Then, make the decision without putting so much weight on it.

Make it, but allow it to change.

There’s a great quote by Nisargadatta Maharaj:

“Desire is the memory of pleasure. Fear is the memory of pain.”

Fear would be, “I don’t want to leave on the 6 AM flight because last time getting up that early was miserable.”

And desire would be a thought like, “I want to get a banana split at this ice cream shop, because in the past, that made me feel really good.”

We’re always putting the past into our future and hoping to get different results.

So, really, to choose with freedom is to not base your decision on anything.

You can say: “I’m choosing to go at 6 AM because I’m choosing to go at 6 AM.” and move on.

A lot of courage is needed to live this way.

True freedom is actually scary because we think we like the security of certainty.

But this is only true if you’re looking through the lens of the identity

When you let go of everything else…

There is quiet.

There is peace.

There is a trust in life, which eventually leads to something different.

A direct relationship with life and it unfolding in exactly the way it’s unfolding.

If you let go long enough, consistently enough, what you arrive at, beyond your current state, is:

No thing.

Nothing.

Nothingness.

To the ego, this is petrifying.

But in that nothingness is also everything.

A place beyond the noise of indecision. Of emotion.

The everything is the force of life.

With practice, you can return to this place at any time.

A place where you can allow life to flow rather than try to control its current.

And a quiet new rhythm will begin to beat within you.

Happy New Year

I hope this year brings you the peace and joy that is the core of all of us.

Paul