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Where are we all racing off to - and who decided the direction?

Where did this rule book come from?

This protocol for life we’re all scrambling to follow?

It’s implied that these rules will lead to happiness. 

We even keep each other in check by judging and comparing;

“At this stage of life I should’ve done X… I should have more of Y…She already has a family… He hasn’t even figured out his career… I need to make a change…”

These little silent scorecards define how we feel about ourselves.

We’re handed a template for a “good life”:

Get educated → build wealth → find love → get married → have kids → believe in something → find your purpose → follow the pattern.

I’m not saying there isn’t value in it - some of my fondest memories come from the weddings I’ve officiated, and I’ve seen how much meaning people can find in work, in parenting, and even in the stability wealth can offer.

Some of these rules are shaped by biology, others by culture - and none of them are absolute.

When these milestones become measurements instead of choices, we stop living and start performing. 

We compare, we judge, we feel behind… even though these rules were only ever ‘a’ way to live - not ‘the’ way.

The real source of our suffering isn’t the “stage of life” we’re in - it’s our internal environment.

You see, the mind constantly assesses where we are, where we should be, and whether we’re measuring up.

The body then floods us with stress chemistry because it senses we’re “not there yet.”

And that chemistry keeps the cycle alive: agitation → comparison → pressure → more agitation → repeat.

Stress chemicals are really just “prepare-for-action” chemicals. 

The body likes to stay in a state of readiness.

What the body’s really doing is scanning your life for anything that looks like you’re “falling behind,” just so it can justify dumping more escape chemistry into your system.

We forget that emotions aren’t meant to be stable. 

They can’t be fixed.

They move. They spike. They settle.

That’s their design.

And even these biological drives aren’t gospel, they’re just nature’s programming, built to keep the species trudging forward.

They don’t care about our fulfillment at all.

Wherever we are in life, we’re typically trying to get somewhere else.

No matter what you do or achieve in life; 

Have kids, don’t have kids, start that company, quit the job, close that company. 

There will always be some kind of disappointment and regret about our lives.

For the mind, one of its favorite places to dwell is guilt and shame.

And no matter how perfectly you follow the life-plan society hands you, or how many achievements you stack,  the mind will never be content.

Never, ever— it’s a system not designed for satisfaction.

We’re all trying to win this life game, to be liked, to find our place, to not disappoint anyone.

But pay attention—whose life are you living?

We really need to wake up here.

Whose voice is it in your head that you’re answering to?

It’s rarely yours.

It’s usually a network of people — your mum, your dad, old teachers, friends, the public…

Last week I asked someone who she was afraid of failing in front of.

She said, “Everyone.”

Eight billion people to disappoint.

Damn.

That’s a heavy load!

It reminded me of when I disappointed a lot of people all at once, years ago, on the way to one of Gerard Butler’s movie premieres. 

On the drive over, the car I was in somehow ended up in front of his.

So I rolled up first.

It was a massive premiere in the center of London, and my car pulled right into the middle of the red carpet.

They announced “Gerard Butler!”

Cameras were flashing, everyone was screaming.. 

I turned to his assistant and asked, “What do we do?”

She said, “We just have to get out.”

So I opened the door…

And the second the crowd realized I was not Gerard Butler, a wave of disappointment swept across the entire carpet.

A collective, “Uhhhhh”… rolled through the whole crowd.

I got a first hand experience of what it’s like to disappoint a few thousand people all at once.

But here’s the thing:

Most of us live as if that same crowd is watching us every day.

So the real question becomes…

Where is your attention actually going?

Is it on what’s happening right in front of you?

Or does your attention drift to some imagined timeline, a mental version of where you should be, reinforced by the imaginary crowd you think is watching.

Convincing you that life would finally feel okay if only you were further ahead?

Pay attention — does it drift into comparison?

Measuring yourself against where you think you should be, or worrying about who you’re disappointing?

This is the very pattern I mentioned earlier in action... 

Your mind searching for your failings so it can flood your system with defensive chemistry.

It generates a story.

Then gives you the feeling that keeps your nervous system in the state it knows best.

It’s a trap. It’s got you.

What you need to do is catch that cycle in real time.

But understand this: it will feel irresponsible not to worry.

Your mind will insist that following the thought — walking it all the way down the rabbit hole — is the “responsible” thing to do.

But here’s the wild part: we find comfort in getting back to a default state of discomfort.

I know — crazy, right?

The work is in refusing the mind’s manipulation — and keeping your attention on what you're actually doing in the moment —  instead of chasing the worry.

This one shift — from comparison to presence — changes everything.

It actually takes courage to live with freedom.

Because it goes against how humans are wired on the inside.

So most of us never do it.

We follow the rulebook because we’re told it leads to fulfillment.

But when those rules don’t deliver — and they often don’t — people feel misled, disappointed — even a little betrayed.

There’s frustration — sometimes anger — but nowhere to point it.

And that’s when urgency erupts, because life begins to suddenly feel wasted.

Those following the script need you to follow it too, because if you don’t, it means they followed it in vain.

I once spoke to a woman who had kids. She loved them deeply, but she told me something honest, most people would never admit:

“I’m not sure I would have had kids, but I didn’t know I had a choice.”

She wasn’t speaking about regret, she was speaking about expectation.

About how powerful those inherited rules can be.

We don’t examine them.

We just obey.

Or we hope that one choice will suddenly make us happy…even if we haven’t been happy up until now.

I’m not saying there’s a right or wrong choice.

I’m saying: as you move forward, it’s worth contemplating where your choices might be coming from.

Look, here’s the truth:

Life is undefined.

There is no master blueprint.

No universal sequence.

No correct order to move through this world.

Stop for a second — let that settle in.  

There’s — no — right — way — to — do — it.

How does that feel inside?

What does it mean for your future?

It takes guts to live without those guardrails society laid out — and to not measure yourself against anyone else, and to stop policing people for choosing differently than you.

Because if anything is strange, 

It’s the idea that following a script written by society will somehow resolve your suffering.

Real joy — the kind I distinguish from happiness — isn’t found in meeting expectations.

Joy is what remains when all the expectations fall away.

It’s the stable place inside of you, the part Nisargadatta Maharaj pointed to — the place where fear cannot exist. 

Let’s just start where you are now.

Let’s get really basic.

Do you have food, shelter, and people in your life?

The truth is, that’s really all we need. Everything else, we invented.

I’m not saying having more is bad. 

Or you should get rid of what you have.

But as long as you’re starting here, with those basic needs covered, you’re in good shape.

And maybe we can turn the dial down just a little on all the scrambling and striving.

Some of the tribes I spend time with look at our lives, and genuinely think we’re mad.

They can’t understand why we create so much distortion — why we manufacture pressure, stress, and endless “needs” that don’t actually keep us alive.

I’ve been asked before,

“What are you doing? We have food that grows for free. Water. Air. We can build shelters. Why complicate life?”

And we forget how simple life actually is when we’re not busy performing it.

So often we miss out on the living. 

Here’s the part we forget:

There is never “enough” for the mind.

There will never be enough.

No achievement, no milestone, no amount of success will finally make it exhale and say, “Okay… now I’m at peace.”

That’s not how the mind is designed.

A lot of my clients have everything you could imagine — status, wealth, recognition — and the demons still visit.

There are those stories of the potlatch chiefs whose success was measured by how much they gave away, not by how much they accumulated.

They understood something we’ve forgotten: giving is more lasting — and far more fulfilling — than achievement.

Try it:

Give your time.

Your support.

An ear.

A shoulder.

Your sweat.

Some resources.

When people are struggling, they tend to want to find a dark place to crawl into and hide, often that place is in their mind — let’s not let them. 

Be the person who leaves the light on so a friend knows there’s a place for them to come home to.

So many spiritual traditions point toward service.

Not because self-sacrifice makes you holy,

But because giving is rewarding.

It pulls you out of the tight grip of your own survival.

It turns the focus from it being all about you — outwards.

It shifts your attention away from the endless “Am I enough?”

And puts it on something else.

On helping someone else.

And the relief of that… of it not being all about whether you're measuring up or not…is profound.

Because when your life stops being only about you,

You finally get to feel the freedom you’ve been chasing.

Fulfillment isn’t an achievement

It's not an emotion. 

It's beyond all of that.

—Paul

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