|
>>> Don't have time to read? Listen here instead.
A while back I was in a restaurant in LA and the first thing the waiter asked me was, what am I grateful for.
At the time I didn’t know why, but something in me resisted.
I coaxed out an answer which didn’t make me feel grateful at all.
I think we often try to force ourselves into gratitude by comparing what we have against something worse.
“I’m grateful I have X because it could have been Y.”
I became very curious about this.
Don’t get me wrong, it's good to appreciate what you have. Of course it could always be worse.
But let’s look at this a little more deeply because this might be one of the most important reflections I’ve written about.
It could even change something in you, if you allow it.
Let's start at the beginning.
As we know, the brain is designed very specifically.
To scan for danger, not beauty.
It’s blocked from the outside world by the protective bony structure of the skull, living in its own reality of the subconscious mind.
Yup, the place where all those monsters that taunt us live.
Another design of the brain is to normalize everything until it becomes familiar.
So the extraordinary becomes “just another Tuesday.”
It’s a chaotic world.
If every time I passed a tree, I was like, what is this beauty I’m seeing?
I wouldn’t be paying attention to that sneaky lion coming up behind me.
And my brain knows that, which is why it classifies and normalizes the extraordinary so I can function.
That’s the design structure of the brain, and it’s a big part of why we feel we have to force gratitude.
But our culture doesn’t help either.
On one side, we’re told to be bold, take what we deserve, fight for what’s ours - a you-deserve-it kind of attitude.
And on the other hand, we wonder why gratitude gets buried - pushed aside by striving, expectation, and the idea that we’re owed something.
Now here's the thing:
In our default survival mode, the body floods with escape hormones - and when stress becomes the norm, that survival chemistry is constant. It weakens your immunity, disrupts sleep.
Over time you become locked in to this pattern.
Now here’s the amazing thing about gratitude.
Studies show that in a genuine state of gratitude, the opposite happens: the body relaxes, immunity strengthens, the mind clears, sleep returns, drive increases, excitement explodes and your entire chemistry shifts.
That’s why it’s so important.
The body thinks it’s safer holding onto worry.
Because stress keeps it ready for action.
So when the waiter asked what I was grateful for, my resistance was just survival instinct.
And that’s the thing: a state of gratitude can only arrive when worry releases its grip.
We have to let go of fear in order to experience gratitude.
And in that restaurant, for whatever reason, my subconscious wasn’t ready to release its protective stance.
Gratitude can’t be an idea of the mind - it has to be experienced.
That’s the difference between forcing gratitude and truly accessing it.
So asking someone to step into gratitude is no small thing.
Think about it.
It takes real bravery to let go of the safety of that protective stress state, even though what’s on the other side is so much better.
That’s why it’s a good idea to cathart frequently.
To do some heavy breathing, clear the tension, let the body lighten - then begin the practice.
True gratitude isn’t a list of blessings - it’s a state of being.
It’s active.
Embodied.
Felt inside.
Less emotion, more an atmosphere that you live in.
You don’t want to wait for life to give you a reason to be grateful.
If you do, you only reinforce the very separation you’re trying to dissolve.
You strengthen the belief that gratitude comes from the outside of you, not from within.
You don’t wait for healing to feel whole.
Or for abundance to feel abundant.
So don’t wait to feel grateful.
You embody it first - and then life begins to feel different.
You can begin gently by starting to practice to override the brain’s tendency to classify and normalize the wonders of life.
We forget this.
We get busy.
Distracted.
Pulled into our own stories.
Wanting to remain safe in our survival chemicals.
And the wonder of being alive fades into the background noise.
But if we just looked up from our distraction momentarily, I think that state would begin to rise within us naturally.
With this next section take time, and see if you can allow it to open something in you, even just a little...
Get present to the fact that right now, as you’re reading this, you’re on a planet spinning at about 1,670 km/h
Orbiting the sun at 107,000 km/h.
While the entire solar system is racing around the galaxy at 828,000 km/h.
We are traveling through the cosmos on the most extraordinary living spacecraft in the entire universe - Earth.
One that grows food out of dirt.
Has oceans filled with a liquid that some animals live in.
Has trees that literally release the gas you can’t live without.
You don’t have to do anything for your lungs to automatically breathe.
For your cells to replicate.
For the food you eat to become energy.
Right now there is a Mundurukú tribe — who call themselves the "People Who Move Together With Purpose” — and the Borari, who call themselves the "People Of The Many Colors”, living in the forests and they describe their purpose as caring for what cares for them:
The waters.
The trees.
And the unseen spirits that animate all of life.
For them it’s not a restoration project.
They don’t trek in as eco-tourists - they’re born in the jungle, raised in it, and live their entire lives as part of it.
It puts my small gesture of recycling my soup can into perspective.
Besides devoting their entire existence to protecting the living world, another fascinating thing about the Mundurukú is that they believe they are here to witness the beauty of the Creator’s work so that creation becomes complete.
That's why they exist.
To look at how beautiful nature is.
Their entire purpose is gratitude - gratitude for the natural world.
What an incredible purpose that is.
As you read on, keep softening.
Let the defenses relax a little, and notice if anything starts to move in you.
Try thinking of abundance not as wealth, but as possibility, and you can find abundance in the infinite ways life can take you where you want to go.
Feel gratitude for the open doors.
The synchronicities.
The paths you haven’t taken yet.
Have gratitude for all the possibilities of your future - for what you’re creating, the life you’re shaping, and the opportunities you haven’t even discovered yet.
Right now feel grateful for all the good things you haven’t received yet.
Imagine living in that freedom.
Imagine giving generously.
Once you begin to feel something, visualize this gratitude as a light - expanding and radiating outward until your whole body is immersed in it.
And then let it ripple beyond you.
Here is the mystical truth.
From that state, things start finding their way to you - because you’ve already become the space they belong to.
Taoism says gratitude appears when you’re in harmony with life.
When we stop resisting.
When the ego softens,
And we’re not tangled up in our own internal storms.
It’s a symptom of being aligned.
We’re always broadcasting something - usually the emotional tone created by our subconscious beliefs.
We attract the people who uphold the safety of our familiar limits.
Similarly, we stay trapped in the same stress loop until we shift our internal state toward something higher - like love or gratitude.
You see the body becomes efficient at whatever you practice.
If you rehearse fear, stress, and lack, they become your default.
And you become identified with them.
Life mirrors who you’re being.
For example, if you’re waiting for someone to show up so you can feel worthy of love, you may be waiting a long time.
Love finds you because you became love first.
As Rumi taught us, what you’re seeking is seeking you.
When the need dissolves, the thing arrives — because you’re no longer signaling lack; you’re matching the frequency of what you want.
Gratitude can become a rehearsal of your future self - in the present moment - by being the one who lives in that elevated state now.
Don’t just think it - feel it.
Amplify that feeling until it becomes the strongest signal you emit.
Broadcast it long enough, and your whole system reorganizes into gratitude.
Every day, you have a choice: to turn your attention towards lack or toward wholeness.
Yes, you may have to let go of the fear you’re used to - but our personalities are not fixed, so each time you practice this, you’re choosing who you want to be.
Over time, gratitude stops being a momentary feeling and becomes your personality.
You shift from survival into fulfillment.
You literally rewire your brain.
You begin to live in a different physical body - quite literally.
And when you live in that state, you start to notice life shows up differently.
Moments you could never plan.
Never force.
Never predict.
It’s almost as if they are drawn to you.
Don’t try and figure out how they’ll arrive.
Trust that who you’re becoming will shape what comes to you.
Practice gratitude even when you don’t feel it - especially then.
Right now, name three things you’re grateful for.
Find someone who wants to hear what the best moment of your day was - every day.
Write to the people you’re grateful for, and read those words out loud to them.
Tell people, openly and vulnerably, why they matter to you.
The truth is, gratitude isn’t about feeling good.
It’s about remembering you belong to a world far more extraordinary than you’ve been taught to notice.
Let your system soften.
And let your mental and emotional faculties - your thinking, your feelings, and the way you perceive the world - always express gratitude, beauty, and love.
You see, the search for happiness can only end when you find happiness, or else keep searching.
And in the same way, when gratitude becomes who you are,
The life you were seeking begins seeking you.
Paul
Think you know someone that this will resonate with?
Just hit the link to share it with them
>>> Send to a friend
View the archive
Want to revisit past newsletters? Find them here. |